The Beat Of Your Own Drum
Author: Lynette Firn

Society has dictated our behaviors since day one. Look at how the electronic and print media influence what we think, and the choices we make. The majority of attitudes and behaviors we carry through life are "learned," because we aren't born with them. We "learn" the differences in skin color, we "learn" the differences in cultures, we "learn" hatred and dislike of others based on our influences and our need to be accepted. There are those who will manipulate their beliefs onto others, and those who fall into place because they want to belong ... to something ... to anything.

Why do some feel a need to be judgmental? Why isn't it enough to accept someone ¡°as is¡± without prejudice? A person's canvas is just that. It's the artistic beauty within that determines the value of the masterpiece. If one can be so shallow as to think that a person has less value because of their size, the color of their skin, their cultural heritage, or their level of intellect, then that individual is truly limiting themselves to the glorious experiences that they might otherwise have. The only place where anything should be separated by color is your laundry. And the only thing that makes us different is our way of thinking.

Let's face it ... no one else walks in our shoes, and no one else is responsible for our happiness but ourselves. Life is one big choice, and if you give up your right to make choices, then you also give up your right to happiness the way that you'd like to experience it, and no one has the right to ask you to do that.

People (consciously or otherwise) are always trying to get you to pack your bags because they want to send you on a "guilt trip" for the choices you've made. However subtle their attempts, they try to get you to see the error of your ways, thinking they know what's best. Why should you feel guilty because your choices aren't what they would have made. I¡¯ve done a lot of personal work in this area, and in my current state of behavioral awareness, it's actually entertaining to watch someone try that behavior. It doesn't mean being rude or arrogant, but watch their faces when you don't respond in the manner they expect you to. That's the beauty of it all, people "expect" you to behave in certain ways, but the more in tune you become with yourself, and the more you understand your right to make choices that you want to make, then the more your strength in self allows you to stand firm in the face of challenges. It's exhilarating to be able to say no and not feel guilty about it.

I try not to be an advice giver, but openly voice my opinions (perhaps too strongly at times), because I get tired of people thinking they know what's right for me, and telling me that I'm wrong for seeking the kind of happiness I desire. I get tired of people¡¯s manipulations, and discounting the fact that I too am a human being with needs, wants and desires the same as they are. I get tired of people and their righteous attitudes, because my preferences or choices may be wrong according to their religion. It's not anger I feel, but rather a deep frustration that any of us have to be subjected to this kind of immature, shallow behavior from others.

I say this so often, but it¡¯s worth mentioning again ¡¦ there is one philosophy that I live by that truly keeps me grounded in those moments of frustration, and that is ... "what other people think or say about me is unimportant until "I" attach meaning to it" ... it's not arrogance, or a self-absorbed attitude, but rather a result of having a healthy self-esteem which allows me the power over my own life to make the choices I see fit to make for myself, regardless of what others think or feel about it. However, maintaining an openness to feedback is important. Wisdom comes from all places. We just have to determine what¡¯s genuine and what¡¯s not.

Here are a few questions you might want to ask yourselves the next time you encounter a challenge.

1. Why should you live your life according to someone else's beliefs? 2. Why should you not have an opportunity for happiness?
3. Why should you have to justify your choices to anyone?
4. Why should you give that much power to someone over your life?

The next time someone is judgmental about the choices you make, ask them how it is that they know what's best for you, when in any 24 hour span of time, it's only you who are living that experience.

It's critical that we be true to ourselves and value the human beings that we are, along with the potential for what we have yet to achieve. We can be strong in our convictions, and appreciate the quality of our own place in this life. We don't have to be rude or condescending in our responses to people, but rather directly civil and firm about who's in charge of the choices we make, and that the ignorance of others is not a consideration in making those choices.

As a writer, I am inspired by individuals who have the courage and fortitude to look within for their own truth. As a human being, I am in awe of those individuals who have enough self-love and self-respect to listen to the beat of their own drum.








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A late bloomer in the arena of writing, but I'm in the midst of exploding from the passion that drives the need to self-express into readable print. Motivational writings are at the top of the list, along with poetry and a desire to write a book or two on self-discovery and relationships.

Professionally edited "Heaven Can't Wait" by Stephen Paul Edwards (friend and national motivational speaker previously with the Tony Robbins organization). I hold degrees in Criminal Justice/Psychology, and about to embark upon yet another educational journey into the realm of psychodynamics. My goal is to work mostly with young people, but offer a wealth of valuable information and tools to assist all ages in their never-ending quest toward discovering themselves and becoming more whole.

The writings I offer are both straightforward and humorous. I am humble and respectful of the educational process (both academic and personal) and want to share the wealth. If you put that together with years of experience (my own and others), you come away with an awesome insight into how skewed our thought process is, how much of ourselves we need to stop giving away, and how critical it is that we get ourselves back.

The journey can be just as exquisite as the destination, so take the time to become enlightened in ways that will certainly make you think, if nothing else. Time is never guaranteed, so wasting it isn't an option. Take "The Journey Within" . . . life has many lessons to offer, we just have to be willing recipients.

View some of my other writings at my website: http://www.geocities.com/authorlf/

Send comments or inquiries to my email address: AuthorLF@aol.com

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