The Heart of the Matter
Author: Sylvia Roff-Marsh

From the distant years of my childhood a memory springs, clear as any modern photo. Weary after a long country walk - I would have been about eight at the time - we reached an inn. Gratefully we collapsed upon a love seat that surrounded the trunk of an ancient English oak tree. Whilst awaiting my father's approach with bottles of home-brewed ginger beer from "The Traveller's Rest", to quench our thirst on this warm summer's day, something caught my attention. Someone had used a knife on the tree. And that bothered me even then!

'Look! I exclaimed, pointing, when my father returned. 'Someone has hurt this poor tree, and put a heart on it. And look at those arrows, did Robin Hood do that?' I asked in childish innocence, excited by the possibility that this noble character from recent history lessons, who robbed the rich to give to the poor, must have stood beside this very oak. I was then and there instructed upon the affairs of the heart as appropriate for one of tender age.

We all have a heart, be we human, be we animal, bird, reptile, insect or fish. Its pulsating engenders life. When the heartbeat stops, so do we, and we depart into another existence. If we allow ourselves to become 'heartless' our personality becomes unpleasantly shriveled, we do not die, but we sure feel unhappy. Why? Because we are denying our Spirit its sustenance - Love.

The heart has become the symbol of love. A lover carved the heart upon the tree. The arrows pierced it, showing that his spirit would remain wounded, (in other words, he was unhappy) until he received conformation that his love was accepted and reciprocated. At that point, his Spirit received its nourishment, Love. Released, his Spirit soared, he was happy. He was on cloud nine, in fact!

Our heart plays a dual role, one physical, as a pulsating set of muscles, the other is more mysterious. It appears to be connected, in some way, to our inner Spirit. We are encouraged to regulate our diet for the wellbeing of the physical side. The diet for our Spirit, we have established, is Love.

'But what sort of love?' you ask.

Love, like a diamond is many faceted. The first to spring to mind is romantic love, as demonstrated by that tree carver above. There are many others: marital love, maternal and paternal love, brotherly love, to name but a few of the categories.

Now for the ingredients, or qualities, found within love: nurturing, caring, sharing, fondness, sympathy, awareness, understanding, indulgence, kindness, thoughtfulness, truthfulness and honesty. These are but some of those qualities, comprised within the Love that we require to feed and nourish our inner Spirit.

Now, let us apply this personally.

Are you feeling undervalued, misunderstood, overburdened inadequate, or just plain in a fit of the blues? If this is so, then it could well be that your Spirit is undernourished and is shriveling piteously. Our Spirit is our essential being, the essence of our real selves. Each of us is responsible for the wellbeing of our Spirit. It is the invisible link between us and the very source of life. We should enjoy happiness, and will, if we keep our Spirit well nourished.

And that is the heart of the matter.

In our materialistic world, we are so busy getting by that we have neglected this 'diet of the heart'. Because we have so neglected it in our busy schedules, our Spirit has begun to shrivel. We begin to show heartlessness to our very selves. Is it any wonder that we cry out in distraction, 'Who am I? Why am I so miserable? Why is life so hard on me? Why...'



You, the real you, lies buried within yourself, sick from neglect, starved, crying out for notice, crying out for the nourishment only YOU can supply. How?

First, by learning to love yourself.

'That's selfish,' you object.

Would you choose to be nurtured by a heartless nurse, examined by a distracted doctor, advised by a miserable banker, taught by a crotchety teacher? To do any of these things well the practitioner must be content within himself so that he can afford to you his full attention and expertise. Happiness is being relaxed and at peace. Stress is struggle.

We are, each of us, responsible for our Spirit's wellbeing, whatever our physical state may be. To do this, LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF. Only then can you heal your neglected Spirit. Only then can you quash the seeds of contention and discord that result from a neglected spirit.

And here's how to begin. Treat yourself gently, as you would a wounded bird.

Go back to childhood. Find a happy memory as I did at the beginning of this story. Relive the happy moment. Pick a flower and be happy in its beauty. Listen to the song of the birds, the sound of the rain, the drift of the snow, smell the scent of a rose. Rejoice in your life, whatever hardship you face. There is always another whose burden is greater than yours, so rejoice that your heavy burden seems light in comparison.

Can you name the source of your unhappiness?

Now think of a simple thing that you can do to make you feel happy. Spoil yourself. Take five minutes to sit in the sun, to enjoy a cool drink, to watch the fish in the pond. Relax and enjoy the pleasure it brings to your heart. Do this daily, varying your pleasure, and bask in it. Persevere, there is no quick fix.

Next time you are feeling blue, remember that so are many others on this earth. What can you do to ease their pain? You can smile to pass on the tiny spark of happiness that you have recently encouraged within yourself. Doing this with love in your heart, will nourish you too. 'What goes around comes around,' is the very true adage.

Take up a pen and list all the good things that are in your life. Now put the list away, and give yourself a simple treat, as described above. Whilst doing it, think only of those positive things that are in your life. Tomorrow you will take out your list to read, adding other blessings that come to mind. Do this daily. Time and attention are required to heal a shriveled spirit. Love yourself.

One morning you may awaken with a new thought, perhaps another blessing to be added to your list, or a thought of something you can do to please another person: to bake a special cake, to mow the lawn without a single grumble, but delighting in the sheer joy of the sun on your face and the wind in your hair. You are lighthearted at last, your eyes shine, your face relaxes into a smile. Only when you love yourself, can you truly love others and know their needs.

So the heart of the matter is this: if you see yourself, or another sees you, as a bullying husband, a nagging wife, a rebellious teenager, a perpetuator of road rage, a tyrannical boss, a drinker a smoker, or whatever, then you must pause to take stock. These are some of the signs that all is not well. Your spirit may well be crying for your help. Remember, only you are responsible for its wellbeing, not your partner, not your friend, not your children. YOU!

You now know how to get started upon feeding this neglected Spirit with the love and care it craves from you.

Do the things that I have suggested above daily. Establish a routine. Make your lists with enjoyment. Spoil yourself with a treat and enjoy your own company, relaxed and peaceful. In this atmosphere love can flow, healing will begin.

With determination, you can heal your Spirit with the nourishment of your love. You can climb away from your misery, and reach for the contentment and the true happiness of a whole Spirit. This is the very Heart of the Matter.








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Sylvia, in conjunction with her husband, Warren, operates Tintota, a non-profit organization which fosters international friendship and self help through the written word. Tintota also provides opportunities for writers, poets and artists and publishes a free monthly online e-zine. http://www.jrma.com.au/tintota

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