Identifying as an Empath
Author: Rev. Alesia Matson, D.D.

Everyone has empathy. We are all born with the ability to emote, and in the normal course of emotional development our empathic abilities bloom just afterward. We use empathy at various times, whether it's navigating the troubled hearts of those nearest and dearest to us to help them find healing or gauging the unspoken cues of acquaintances and strangers to facilitate communication. Empathy is the bridge which allows us to transcend the boundary of our skin; miraculously, we experience the emotional language of another incarnated soul.

This is the level of empathy that humans hold in common. Among the race of humans there are a few for whom empathy is not what one does, but what one is. These are the Empaths, those who have chosen to live their lives as an expression of their transpersonal empathic awareness. There may not be many at any given time or in any specific area, but their talents and message transcend religious doctrine and are crucial to humanity's continuing evolution.

Empaths the world over share many common traits. They are often described as ``moody'' or ``overly emotional'' to a world full of linear thinking logicals. This is because Empaths feel everything intensely, and others become confused by the depth and range of that emotive expression. Laughter to tears and back to laughter, sometimes within mere moments and even all at once--not because they are manic or depressive, but simply because they are experiencing something deeply. It has been said that if the emotional dimension of an Empath were suddenly dumped into the body of anyone else, they might well be institutionalized from the shock.

They are characteristically bright-eyed, happy souls, of a cheery disposition that is downright infectious. Though they can and do endure sadness, anger, and depression, these are but the dark clouds in an Empath's normally clear sky. The storm invariably passes, and the sunshine smile reappears to dry a world gone wet with tears.

Empaths are people-pleasers, they can't help it. Teasing out a smile from a friend or loved one is as natural to them as breathing, and they will do whatever it takes to feel that smiling approval from their contemporaries. Taken to extremes, this trait leads to fatal self-compromise, as the Empath loses her integrity in her attempts to win acceptance and love from parents, friends, spouses, and children.

Empaths do not like being alone. They can actually grow sicker when left alone to recover from an illness. They are the last to go out to dinner and a movie by themselves, or to retreat over-long into isolation. They are sexual, sensual beings who are capable of riding the emotive energy of an intimate encounter to mind-blowing fulfillment. They suffuse their partners with carnal intimacy, intuiting their partner's needs and meeting them without a word being exchanged. Empaths seethe with passion for all of life, and tend not to be without partners for long.

Empaths are born teachers. Others may instruct, but for Empaths it seems as though the ability to intuit how best to convey a message or lesson is bred right into the bone. Though they may not be the most charismatic person in the crowd, when an Empath stands up in front of a class they become energized, dynamic, even mesmerizing. They have an uncanny ability to gauge the prevailing mood of a group, and modulate their tempo, tone, and content to match.

The depths of the dark side of Empaths correspond to the amount of light they have to share and to the breadth of their own self-doubt. Empaths, sadly, too often doubt themselves. All their lives they've had to strive to reconcile their sense of what others are feeling, and what others say they're feeling. In their need to be accepted, they will acquiesce to the wishes of others and heed only the words, striving to shut down that internal antenna which continues to vibrate in time with the truth. The conflict this generates can lead to low self-esteem, weight gain, drug use (prescribed or otherwise), poor academic achievement, and a downward spiralling pattern of abusive or unfullfilling relationships.

These are the ones most likely to confuse sex with love, jealousy with devotion, and passion with lust. ``I love you, you owe me'' is a hallmark statement of an Empath who lacks unconditional love and acceptance, first of all from self. They are at times attracted to mates who are emotionally unsophisticated, and who seem unable to treat them other than callously or abusively. Irrational though it may seem, it is the exercise of earning affection that proves to an unconfident Empath that he or she is loveable after all.

For these lost, unconfident Empaths, the way back to their truth is on the path of self-discovery and self-honesty, a journey that can sometimes take decades of repeated unhealthy behaviors. For Empaths, the 30th birthday often brings final acceptance of their inborn gifts, the development of emotional integrity, and the will to stop the behaviors that cause them to compromise their truth.

Finally, because Empaths have the quirk of letting the negative aspects of a discussion completely wipe out the positive, it is advisable to conclude this incomplete list of traits with a mention of the Empath's glowing, life-affirming message: Beyond all others, they are gifted with the ability to show us how to love one another. They teach us how to love by embracing the whole of their complicated being, and loving self first. When fear and doubt are conquered and the banner of self-love flies confidently, Empaths exude the unconditional love and acceptance for every human being, teaching by sterling example the truth ``Love is the Only True Power.''

As a race, we are fortunate each time an Empath leaves self-doubt behind, shrugs on the mantle of emotional integrity, and takes up the duties and joys of a confident, working Empath. This planet is still chronically short of the kind of uncritical love that true Empaths model.







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Rev. Dr. Matson writes and teaches extensively about empathy, the contemplative arts, modern spirituality and mysticism. You can receive free excerpts from her new book 7 Mysteries: Contemplative Arts For The Modern Mystic right in your email box simply by sending an email to: ca@vetl.org. Click here to sign up for a free email seminar on the contemplative arts.

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