To Know Success, First Embrace Failure
Author: Karen O'Keefe

About 20 years ago, Matthew Cossolotto and a friend had an idea for a comedy cable television network. It was an exciting idea. He and his friend spent many hours outside their day jobs developing a proposal. They made detailed plans, consulted a large D.C. law firm and explored incorporating their business.

After a while, though, Cossolotto began to listen to the voices in his head, which asked negative questions such as: What do you know about cable TV?

As his other responsibilities grew larger and required more time, he struggled with prioritizing his work.

After a time, Cossolotto yielded to self-doubt. He and his friend let their brave new idea for the “Comedy TV” channel go. Cossolotto moved on, the plans he and his friend made pushed far out of his daily consciousness.

“A few years later, I happened across a startling article in the newspaper about a couple of guys who were launching a new cable comedy channel,” said Cossolotto. “They called it ‘Comedy Central.’ “I was stunned. At first I thought someone had heard about our idea and had written an article about us without telling us in advance.”

But the article was not about Cossolotto and his friend. It was about two young men very much like them. The experience marked the beginning of a protracted, soul-searching journey for Cossolotto.

After several years, that journey culminated in his newly-published book, HabitForce! How to Kick the Habits of F.A.I.L.U.R.E. and Adopt the Habits of S.U.C.C.E.S.S..

The book, humorous, a fairly quick read and ringing all the way through with the truth of Cossolotto’s personal journey, is a manual on replacing the habits of failure with the habits of success.

At WIW’s November 9 Pubspeak, Cossolotto explained “failure” to a roomful of WIW members and guests. “Failure is not living up to your potential.”

“Who among us,” he asked, “has never had a great idea for a project with tremendous potential? And after a great start and lots of enthusiasm, allowed the project to slowly, slowly, slow down and finally roll to a silent stop?”

Deep inside, Cossolotto recognized that his cable television project had ended in failure. He had made a successful start and then dropped the ball and failed. And he knew it.

But Cossolotto did not just leave it at that. After he swallowed the bitter Comedy Central pill, he asked himself what it was that held him back. He decided to do some research and some soul-searching and to weave the two threads together in a book.

In his research, he looked for paths to success. He read stacks of self-help books and the wisdom of all the success gurus, including Deepak Chopra, Anthony Robbins, Stephen Covey and Brian Tracy.

Cossolotto found that when he finished reading a book on how to succeed, he was always in a more positive mind-set, but that he could not maintain his positive momentum. As he turned the advice of success coaches over and over in his mind, he developed an important idea.

“I thought maybe there are also seven habits of ‘highly ineffective’ people,” he told the Pubspeak attendees. “I began to see patterns that explained why some people succeed and other people fail.”

Examining failure, he concluded, is a step on the road to success that cannot be skipped. It must be embraced. Before we can expect to succeed, we must identify and replace the old habits and patterns of thought with habits that produce success.

Given the numbers and continued rapid proliferation of success coaches these days, Cossolotto jokingly refers to himself as America’s F.A.I.L.U.R.E. coach . “By not facing the habits that pull toward failure, I think success coaches sometimes put the cart before the horse.”

In his book, Cossolotto distills the process for overcoming negative habits and mindsets, calling them “the Three Rs: Recognize, Resist and Replace.”

He also uses seven concepts in the acronym F.A.I.L.U.R.E. and seven more in the acronym S.U.C.C.E.S.S., which help the reader to replace old, negative behaviors with new, positive ones.

F.A.I.L.U.R.E. Traps
Finger Pointing
Aligning with Turkeys
Idle Talk (No Action)
Lacking Passion
Undermining Yourself
Reactive Mindset
Embracing the Dark Side

S.U.C.C.E.S.S. Tracks
Shoulder Responsibility
Unite with Eagles
Carpe Diem (Seize the Day!)
Cultivate Enthusiasm
Empower Yourself
Set Your Course
Sow Optimism

Cossolotto says the evidence that his methods work is the fact that he completed and published his book.

“You must embrace failure and make HabitForce work for you, not against you. That’s what HabitForce! is all about.”

Cossolotto suggested that his WIW audience sit down, write their own eulogies and then use them to set or reset their own paths. “It is actually very life-affirming,” he said.

“Everyone in here can be a success,” he assured the roomful of writers. “You have one life. To make the most of your life, remember that ‘every day is opening night.’”

Replace self-defeating habits with affirming ones, he concluded, “and may the ‘HabitForce!’ be with you.”

Matthew Cossolotto and his family live in Westchester, New York.


HabitForce! was published in September 2004 by Beckham Publications Group Inc., Silver Spring, Md.


For details about purchasing copies of HabitForce!, call (914) 245-9721 or email habitforce@ovations.com. The book is also available from online booksellers and can be ordered in traditional bookstores.






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Karen O'Keefe is a freelance writer based in metropolitan Washington, DC. She writes profiles and other pieces for "New Towns," a national quarterly on new urbanism and suburban sprawl.

She also writes features, covers politics and news -- and does personal profiles -- for local publications. O'Keefe writes a general interest column, 'O'Keefe's Journal,' for the local monthly: "The Town Courier." For clips and to discuss assignments, she may be contacted at: karenokeefe1@aol.com.

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