HAPPINESS IS; AN INSIDE JOB
Author: Madeleine Singer, Ph.D.

There is a saying “Smile and the world smiles with you”. Since happiness is an inside job, you are the only one responsible for making it happen.

Ever wonder why some of the most successful people still seem unhappy, unfulfilled and still reaching for something more in life than what they already have? According to us, they have it all: looks, fame and fortune. Whenever we strive for something and reach it, there's a duality of elation and dejection. It is over, we do what is to be done next and the quest starts all over again. Somehow, the end result usually seems to be more exciting on the way there than when it is reached.

The remedy is having an inner peace and all the rest falls into place and becomes the icing rather than the whole cake. When we are happy with whom we are, we can go anywhere and create that same atmosphere of warmth and caring. If we run away, we can change locations but the same situations are carried with us. Stay put and flow with all the ideas and solutions. Then wherever you roam, you will have a house of contentment.

What I’ve learned:

By either embracing or eliminating these insights you may obtain the happiness and peace you deserve.

• Talking can ease emotional pains.
• It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
• True friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
• It's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life.
• Good friends are family members that we are allowed to choose.
• We don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
• Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for ourselves.
• You shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
• Either you control your attitude, or it controls you.
• There are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
• Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
• Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
• It isn't always enough to be forgiven by someone else. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

Are You Sabotaging Happiness?

There are characteristics of ourselves and our loved ones that should be recognized in order to curtail inevitable problems. One such aspect is that of poor problem solving. These are the people that wait for the problem to go away instead of handling it. The difficulty can only be resolved when you take responsibility for it. Too many times we play the victim and expect others to solve the problem since they created it in the first place. The objection we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior is due to avoiding the pain of the consequences of that behavior. It is important to note that if a person is unwilling to change or to accept responsibility, the individual will feel impotent.

Another characteristic is rigidity and inflexibility in thinking and behavior. The more clearly we see the reality of the world, the better we can deal with it. Many people stop filtering any information unless it conforms to their map of reality so their views of reality are sketchy, narrow, and misleading. Views should always have the capacity to change when new information is introduced or the person will be defending an outmoded opinion. Truth can only be known when we risk and constantly expose our reality to the criticism and challenge of others. If your partner's opinions are cast in cement, you will have a hard time expressing anything to the contrary.

Also be aware of a person who processes by deletion. This is an individual that selectively pays attention to certain aspects of an experience and overlooks or omits all other information. Another process is that of distortion. This occurs when we make misrepresentations of reality. We can over generalize or be too specific for the generalization we have concluded. When given the same stimulus, people will have various responses as to the way they process the information. This is individualized. Knowing how you and your partner process information will enable you both to have a smoother path. JUST REALIZE THAT EACH PROBLEM WAS ONCE A SOLUTION TO A PREVIOUS PROBLEM. Life goes on with more problems and creative solutions.

Are you or your partner hesitant about losing your freedom due to commitment? The two terms are actually synonymous as the more freely you choose, the more appropriate your choices. Then your commitment is out of choice, not obligation. Until you are committed to your own well-being, the possibility of commitment to a relationship is premature. Since commitment is based on desire, not on a sense of duty, what some people call freedom is really only escapism. Sometimes the label "free spirit" only paralyzes the person in not choosing and promotes him to just drift through life in the same recurrent patterns as before. It is easier to commit whole-heartedly to a partnership when each can maintain individual freedom and not be afraid of being swallowed up or smothered by the other person. An ideal partner is a friend whose passion for you increases the more he experiences your diversity.

Happiness Personified

Now you can realize that happiness is truly an inside job. It frees the heart from hatred and the mind from worries. It is attitude, respect, and communication with yourself and to others. Happiness is something you decide ahead of time so deposit a lot of happiness in your Memory Bank and make constant withdrawals. Use these insights for self-empowerment, new perspectives, and for renewed awareness.







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Madeleine Singer, Ph.D. is a TV host/producer, bestselling author, and authority on preventive health care. Dr Maddy has authored four books and recorded five soothing CDs mixing her art of the voice with beautifully orchestrated music. Dr Madeleine Singer's gift to humanity is to put each of you in touch with a vibrant life and healthy emotions. You can log onto http://www.drmaddy.com to find out more or email any comments to drmaddy@drmaddy.com.

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