Mirroring
Author: Becky Myhre

What if events and conversations in your daily life are a direct reflection of where you are in your inner life?

Recently I had a conversation with my mother. As she was speaking, I thought, "She's not acknowledging me." It really bothered me, and my feelings were hurt. The next day as I was walking, I asked myself three questions based on the concept of mirroring. First I started with the outside hurt, which lead to the question--what did I want her acknowledgment for? Then I thought, if this situation is a mirror, what am I not acknowledging her for? Finally I asked myself, what am I not acknowledging myself for?

This is how the concept of mirroring works. I realized that I wanted outside acknowledgment for an area in which I'd achieved personal growth. This led me to see that I hadn't been acknowledging certain areas where my mother had grown and changed. Instead, I was focusing on areas in her life that needed work. Ok, I was judging her and wanting her to change! Finally, I realized that I don't always acknowledge the areas where I myself have grown and changed. I'd been judging myself based on how much I have to grow, instead of acknowledging and accepting how far I'd come. Once I "got" all of the above, the hurt I'd been feeling evaporated and I felt awe at both our accomplishments.

The dictionary defines a mirror as something that gives a true representation of what it reflects. The definition of mirroring as a personal growth tool could be: External events that give a true representation of our inner selves.

Mirroring can show us where we're blocking or limiting ourselves. It can illuminate belief systems which are hampering fulfillment of our desires, and reflect ways in which we judge ourselves. It can bring into our awareness areas of needed growth. After all, if you're not aware of something, you can't change it!

I've found mirroring an excellent guidepost in evaluating how far I've come. It shows me where I currently am, and where I want to go next. Mirroring could also be termed 'reflecting,' or 'projecting.' I always learn best through example, so I thought I'd give you some examples which illuminate the subtle and various ways that mirroring works.

One in-my-face mirroring experience occurred a few weeks ago. I'd been pushing to get the InnerConnection Web page up, and to start generating some income. I was feeling rushed, frustrated and blocked. Basically, I was working myself into a mental and emotional crisis.

An 11-year-old girl from Scotland was visiting a friend of mine. She'd decided that I was her new best friend, and wanted us to go and see a movie together. At the time, The Lost World was THE movie to see. Of course it was playing clear across town; so, into the car we climbed. I left plenty of time to get there.

Problem was, it was rush hour, which I'd forgotten to take into account. We started on the drive, and the traffic drove me nuts. All the other cars seemed intent on blocking my way. I decided to try a different street, which I just knew would be faster. What I didn't realize was that road construction had caused a detour and traffic backup along my alternative route.

Since I couldn't turn where I wanted, I had to go in a roundabout way. Meanwhile the clock kept ticking, and I was stressing because we'd just spent 25 minutes going three miles. Coming out from a side road onto an arterial, I found traffic backed up for blocks. By now I was really pissed. I could hardly understand my companion due to her strong accent (confusion), I'd done nothing but take long detours thinking they would be faster (pushing against the flow), and I felt that time was ticking quickly away (worrying about the future instead of being in the moment).

Suddenly it hit me that the whole situation was a mirror for how I felt about getting the InnerConnection up and running. Financially I was feeling short on time, so I'd been looking for shortcuts and pushing to get things done on my timetable, instead of waiting until the time was right.

Well, as soon as I realized this, I got into the line of traffic, took a deep breath, and decided the world wouldn't end if I didn't get to see the movie previews. Of course, the instant I relaxed into the moment, we moved quickly over the bridge, through the traffic lights and onto the road to the movie theatre. Hitting all the green lights, we arrived in time to get munchies. We sat down, the lights dimmed--I even got to see my precious previews. Perfect timing.

I've thought about this very obvious mirroring session quite a bit as I've launched The Inner Connection to Success. Every time I feel like pushing to make things happen, I remember the drive to see The Lost World. The memory helps me to take a deep breath, back off and reevaluate.

Mirroring can also be very subtle. My six-year-old nephew is the light of my life. I adore this child. He comes and spends "special days" with Aunt Becky. Last week we had a special day together. As we were driving in the car, he stated that I loved him because I was his Godmother, and had to.

Obviously, I put the kibosh on that thinking as fast as I could. He then went on to ask why one of his grandmothers loved the other grandkids more than she loved him. I asked what had given him such an idea, and he listed reasons to back up the belief. He'd interpreted certain actions of hers to mean he wasn't loved, when in fact they had nothing to do with him.

Later, I thought about our conversation. My nephew was putting limits and conditions on why people loved him. This prompted me to recognize how I negate what others feel for me. And yes, as soon as I started thinking about this, several examples of others telling me why they loved me, or how valuable I was to them immediately came my way. As painful as it was to hear my nephew put limits on his loveability, I was doing the same thing. I also have a belief system that tells me others love me for what I do for them, not because of who I am. Mirroring in this case showed me that I was supporting a damaging belief system without even knowing it.

A third and final example of mirroring involves a relationship which is very problematic for me.

I have a relative that is someone I wouldn't chose to have in my life. We go through cycles where we like and then dislike each other. OK, truthfully--it's been a long time since I liked her. After things got seriously ugly between us, I stopped judging her long enough to look at our relationship in a mirroring context. What I saw, I didn't like. It showed me faults that have taken a long time for me to own.

This person mirrors back to me just about every "negative " aspect I possess. No wonder I have a hard time being in the room with her! She's the most judgmental person I've ever met. She's insecure, jealous, and incredibly selfish.

But what I've come to realize is that I'm also quite judgmental. It's just that I don't verbalize it, and she does. That was an extremely hard characteristic for me to admit to. If you asked most people who know me, the common consensus is I'm very non-judgmental person. If they only knew!

Actually, I'm the most judgmental toward myself. For the most part, I encourage others to accept their "faults" as a wonderful learning opportunity. It's only myself I expect to find perfect. But that's a
topic for another day.

I'm also incredibly insecure about a whole lot of things. I've been jealous of my older brother's financial success, my younger brother's ability to make everyone love him, and women friends who don't have to worry about "making a living" because they married well--blah, blah, blah!

Finally, her incredibly selfish focus may not be as blatant in me, but it's there.

See, not a pretty picture, but an accurate one.

Since I admitted these mirrored truths, I've made great forward progress. I've also noticed that it's easier to be around her. We've made a truce that allows us to function more as an extended family unit (though I doubt I'd ever be around her by choice). She's given me an incredible gift, though, by bringing to my attention areas I haven't wanted to face. Because of her, I'm a much better person, and have obtained some valuable growth.

Mirroring takes place every moment of every day. Literally everything is a mirror. Of course, paying attention every second of the day is impossible, and would drive anyone nuts! So the practical thing is to see what jumps out at you. Remember that mirroring is conscious communication between yourself and your higher power. I use it as a guidepost, an illuminator, and I follow its directions. It's one of the best ways available to strengthen your inner connection. It just takes awareness and practice.



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InnerConnection Exercises

Monday
Outer Awareness Builder: As you go through the day, who irritates you?
Inner Awareness Builder: Are you transferring things that irritate you about yourself onto others?
Take that feeling of irritation and turn it like a searchlight on yourself. What inner area wants your attention? Why?

Tuesday
Outer Awareness Builder: What areas of your everyday life are you dissatisfied or unhappy with?
Inner Awareness Builder: If we create our environment, what is your environment telling you to focus on? What are outside events telling you?

Wednesday
Outer Awareness Builder: What areas of your life make you feel happy and satisfied?
Inner Awareness Builder: Stop and congratulate yourself for a job well done!

Thursday
Positive Forward Action: As you go through the day, be aware that everything is a reflection of the inner you--conversations, music, traffic flow, activities, etc. See where you're at and what you'd like to work on next. Be sure to notice where you have effortlessness and flow. Also, see where you feel stuck or things bog down. Where are your sources of anger and frustration?

Friday
Perception Shift: Mirroring is a wonderful way for your inner self to communicate with you on a conscious basis. Strengthening your inner connection is easy. Just look, listen and ask yourself questions. The questions will lead effortlessly to your growth.






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Becky Myhre has taken her natural fascination with spiritual growth, married it with her inherent teaching abilities, and turned it into her life's work. Currently, she is the author of the popular email column, The InnerConnection to Success (www.innerconnection.com). She also publishes a FREE bi-weekly email called, An InnerConnection Thought. Additionally, she hosts workshops, small group discussions and one-on-one coaching sessions for anyone who would like assistance with their inner connection. Contact Becky at becky@innerconnection.com or call 509-747-1991 for more information.



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