Coping with our burdens: Learning to empty our packs
Author: Mark A. Stafford, M.D., F.A.C.P.

"Life is difficult." M. Scott Peck, M.D. in The Road Less Traveled

No doubt about it, life can be difficult. Every time we encounter someone or something new, be it a new car or a new concept, we must quickly determine if the new object is a threat to our safety. In those moments when we are gathering data, using our minds to scan for facial expression and tone of voice, our bodies are on alert. If we find the newness frightening, our bodies instantaneously pour out chemicals and electrical impulses from our brains that will tell us to stand firm and fight, with words or fists, or to gather our things and run! Since daily we encounter new situations and challenges, these decisions must be made within fractions of a second. Maintaining our balance, a process known as homeostasis, depends on it. The chemicals and impulses released in this "fight or flight" response cause widespread changes in our bodies that have life-threatening implications for our health. We will discuss the physical effects of stress in more detail in future columns.

For now, imagine the stresses of daily life to be represented as stones. Some stones are boulders, others merely pebbles; some smooth, some jagged and painful to hold. Throughout every day, as we encounter life, an imaginary stone is placed in an imaginary pack we carry on our back every time we face a stressful situation. Remember, anything we see as potentially threatening causes a chemical reaction in our bodies. Some situations will be of little threat, such as answering the phone, while some can be quite heavy, losing your job. That we will have stones placed in our packs is inevitable. Life is difficult. The good news is we do have some control over the size of the rocks and how long we go before we empty our backpacks. Only the individual can determine the weight of the rocks placed in the bag. Before we talk about how this is done, a caveat: you cannot judge the weight of a rock by its size. Some rocks look huge but are sandstone and relatively light. A small piece of marble can break your back if carried long enough.

We determine the weight of the rocks placed on our backs by what our minds tell us the rocks should weigh. Many factors affect our assessment, including our genetics, cultural norms, beliefs, values, memories and expectations. For one person a divorce may be an unbearable load while to another the divorce may actually lighten their load! For some, assigning heavy weights to every rock has become a habit. They "make mountains out of molehills." Some allow others to determine their rocks' weights. "Oh, that must be awful!" our "friends" remind us. The important thing to remember is that, in reality, only we can determine the weight of the rocks placed in our packs. Sadly, sometimes we choose to carry very heavy loads. No wonder we are tired.

Fortunately, we have ways to empty our packs and lighten our loads. This is crucial since every day more rocks are added. Healthy ways to lighten our loads include sharing with others, taking breaks, being grateful for what we have and, perhaps most importantly, forgiving those who have harmed us. Sleep, exercise and play also lighten our packs. Some choose to leave their packs full but take substances designed to help them forget the burden. Another way to lighten the load is to spiritually "unload" the burden to a Higher Power, believing there is a Meaning better able to handle our rocks.

Finally, we must acknowledge that we often do not know the composition of the rocks we carry. We may know their weight and shape but we cannot know their character. We also may never know the original purpose of being given a pack to carry. This is the place of faith, where we must seek answers beyond knowing. I choose to believe carrying packs does several things. First, we grow stronger. Secondly, we have a way to help others with their loads. Only by carrying a pack can we experience the relief of laying down our load. Finally, I believe in divine alchemy, for I believe in the process of carrying our rocks the rocks themselves are transformed. With time, pressure and faith, our lumps of coal can become diamonds.

This week, I challenge you to examine your packs. Can you make a decision to leave some rocks alone? Can you share your load with a friend? Can you lighten your burden by forgiving a wrong done to you? Can you carry your load believing your stones may be transformed? You may, in fact, be creating jewels at this very moment. That is maximal living.








--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

http://www.health.uab.edu/maximalliving
http://www.health.uab.edu/show.asp?durki=4995

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------