Ridding Yourself of Being A Manipulator to Better Your Relationships
Author: Brian Maloney

One of the oldest character flaws in humans is their ability
to manipulate each other. Its insidious nature tilts our
everyday playing field toward the manipulator. The
manipulating person has a basic personality flaw that has a
direct link to control, but primarily the ever-abundant
insecurity issue.

So, how is it that we deal with these types of people to
level the perverbial playing field?

Well, for a moment, lets just consider the problematic
issues that these types of people have so as to better
understand what approach to take.

In being manipulative, one would only need to look at the
why and what, not the how, because the how is obvious.
How do they do it? They use words as their arsenal for
control.

One should understand that manipulative people are
generally control freaks who need to have the people they
attempt to control conform to their ideology. By
leveraging control over a particular situation, they satisfy
the craving to fill that void of not having personal control,
therefore obtaining it from another person.

It is quite obvious that always trying to tilt the scales for
yourself by being manipulative reflects a security problem in
yourself. It’s simple! If you do not feel secure with
yourself, than you are insecure. Ah...but to what degree
you may ask, do you have to be so insecure that you always
attempt to obtain control and security elsewhere?

Insecurities are in us all. We all feel vulnerable at times in
any given situation, but what would propel us to be so
insecure that we need to control others in our environment?

This question could be answered differently for almost
every manipulative person because what drives us to
manipulate might be extremely deep-seated in one, where in
another it is seated quite shallow.

Most people have heard in one place or another; you can
only control certain things in life, and much of the other
stuff you need to just let the chips fall where they may.

This is very true. Let’s just look at one simple example to
conceptualize. You have five one hundred dollar bills you
have alloted yourself to use in attempts to make more
money, so you head for the closest casino.

Now, blackjack is your game of choice, so let me illustrate
your possible control. You could, when the dealer asks you
to cut the cards, place the divider at the very end, thinking
this will stack the hands in your favor. You could change
tables because one dealer is what you would call bad luck.
The fact is that once you put your money down, you lose
control of the situation.

The dealer will deal you a winning or losing hand and you
simply have no control over the situation, yet you might try
to seize control by many illogical means in attempts to win.

By not attempting to control everyone else, you come to an
understanding that letting people live their lives in peace
without your controlling ways, is the healthiest way in
going about your relationships.

Others will detect a distinct difference in your personality
and certainly appreciate you, rather than resent your ill will.
This is, again, a change in approach and attitude towards
others that will need to be worked on everyday. In addition,
one should want and need to see progression everyday to
confirm the diminishing of this toxic characteristic.

Let go of your need to always control and manipulate, it
will definitely become a more harmonious existence, not
only for others, but for yourself.

--by Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com
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Brian is an online writer at ValuePreps - Relationship Advice site assisting others in understanding their personal values and how those values affect every aspect of their life.

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