Can A Man Ever Go Back To The One Who Rejected Him?
Author: Doc Love

Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen

Dear Doc,

I've studied your Dating Dictionary, listened to your tapes and even watched some Cary Grant movies. I have also been looking around for women to practice The "System" on. I recently ran across a woman from my past and wondered if, with my new understanding of the dating game, a second approach would be worthwhile.

Looking back on the days before I had ever heard of The "System," I can see that in the beginning, this woman must have had fairly high Interest Level in me - which I gradually broke down with my negatives actions. When it was plain to me that she had lost most of her Interest Level, I stopped contacting her. We were never actually "going together," nor were we ever physically intimate, so we never "broke up" as such.

My question is: do women, unlike elephants, ever forget? I read your article about the young man who had his heart broken after his girlfriend cheated on him (Does a Woman Feel Guilty When She Cheats on a Guy?) In the article, the guy didn't call his girlfriend for six months yet she still left him a Christmas greeting on his answering machine. Obviously neither of them had forgotten each other, even after six months.

I'm aware of your comments about not going back - that when her Interest Level drops below 50% it's over for good - but I was wondering if this always applies. Men and women do change over time, so can a woman ever look at a previously rejected man and reconsider him? If so, does it matter how much time has passed? What if one year has passed? How about five years? Ten years? Let me know what you think.

Thanks,

Art - who wants to know if you can ever go back


Hi Art,

Sorry to break it to you, but when a woman's Interest Level drops to 49%, it's always over for good, by definition. Why is this true? Because in her mind, the things that turned her off about you in the bad 'ol days still exist in you today.

A woman never ever forgets a man's transgressions - and it doesn't matter how much time passes, whether it's ten minutes or eighty years. It's as if someone puts an indelible mark on the soul of your ex that says, "Art repulses me." Listen, guy - there are just too many negative things written about you on your girl's chalkboard of love. That is why she prefers your replacement: he has a clean slate (at least in the beginning!).

For the sake of argument, Art, let's assume your girl liked you in the beginning. As time went by, her Interest Level went down one or two points every time she saw you; One week her IL was 88, the next week it was 86, the following week it was 85, and so on. Besides the importance of being a Challenge, the subject that the other love doctors never talk about is the fact that men lose their women gradually, not overnight.

In the article you mentioned, Art, the girl remembered the guy all right, but that should not to be confused with her lack of Interest Level - after all, did she make a date? No. Did she ask him over for dinner? No. Like most men who are on the road to rejection, you are grabbing for straws.

It's true, Art, that a woman won't necessarily take it as a breakup if you drift out of her life, but what makes you think her Interest Level will be any higher than before? If, while you were seeing each other, your girl's Interest Level ever dropped below 50%, it won't rise again in your absence. The hard truth of The Reality Factor says: when you are out, you are out. Can you imagine John Gray saying that?

Instead John would say," You guys have learn to be more understanding and learn to grovel more. You have to buy her gifts from Victoria's Secret to enhance your relationship. And do not forget the big rock from DeBeers." The problem with the advice is that it overlooks the "R" word - let me give you an example. She would rather wake up with Arafat and Larry King than look at you. Resentment, not money, is the biggest factor in killing romantic relationships. No mistakes, no resentment.

I know it's possible to find the occasional story in The National Enquirer about two famous celebrities who reunite after a breakup. The stars' handlers say that all the venom is forgotten; but the truth is, this is just publicist propaganda. They don't mention that the odds of a happy ending after a nasty breakup are about as good as President Clinton giving up Jenny Craig dropouts.

If you must follow the stars' examples, then at least learn from their mistakes. Learn from Don Johnson, who divorced Melanie Griffith - twice; or learn from Richard Burton, who did the same with Liz. So, there!

Art, you really should put your time and energy into studying The "System" so you don't reinforce old, bad habits. If you really must find things out the hard way - and you have time, money, and sanity to burn - then test out what I say. Ask her out, but if there is anything - and I mean anything - other than an enthusiastic yes - forget it. Remember, you are better off with someone new than with a woman who will definitely drop you like a bad habit.








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Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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