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Rick Saldan is an excellent
inspirational speaker who tailored the seminar to the needs of the
individual students being instructed. This office thanks the Mayors Office
of Information Services for having such a vendor.
Timothy K. Lynch
Office of Fleet Management
City of Philadelphia
Rick has a magical approach that provides a clear and
concise message specifically designed to the needs of his
audience. Rick will provide all the motivational magic you
will ever need, propelling your organization to the next
level of greater success.
Thomas Mulhern
Frontier Communications
Rick Saldan is a compelling and absorbing motivational speaker and
magician.I have been to five of his
Motivational Magic presentations and it is amazing how he keeps our
college audiences on the edge of their seats.
A highly entertaining performer with great comedy flair. Rich content to
increase students' productivity, peak performance and motivation. If you
need an outstanding motivational speaker for colleges, Rick is definitely
one of the world's greatest speakers and magicians!
Dr. Rob Gilbert, Sport Psychologist,
Montclair State University
Rick Saldan has the wit, wisdom and sorcery of a wizard. He
has a dynamic personality, and all will enjoy his
captivating stories, comedy and magic!
Dennis Slaughter
Credit Suisse First Boston
Rick Saldan delivers a first-class show! A pro in every
sense of the word. Funny, unique, entertaining and polished.
Brian Letscher, Actor
Hawaii Five-O, NCIS, Cold Case, Law & Order and The Mentalist.
Rick Saldan is a wonderful combination of master magician, comic
improviser and first class speaker. The audience loved his program, which
was music to our ears. If you love celebrity motivational speakers such as
Tom Hopkins, Dale Carnegie and Zig Ziglar, then you'll love Rick!
Dottie Burman, President
Burtley Productions, Inc.
Rick Saldan
is an incredibly talented performer and motivational speaker with great insight. He shares many powerful
motivational messages that will enhance your life for the better!
Jack Murray, President
Dream Illusions
Rick is one of the best inspirational speakers on
the scene today. Funny, fun loving and highly energetic. If you want to
make your next event into an extraordinary one, then invite professional
speaker Rick Saldan and his amazing Motivational Magic.
Andres Lara, President
Inspiration Times Magazine
Is An Affair Healthy?? Author: Reena Sommer, Ph.D.
Some time ago, a newsletter subscriber asked if having an extramarital affair was healthy. Here is the answer I gave.
As a preface to answering your question, consider the following...
Intimacy is the unique bond between two people that links them together emotionally, spiritually and sexually. The meshing of these elements forms the cornerstone of a monogamous relationship and explains in part, its distinctiveness to the human species. It also explains why its absence foretells non-exclusivity, suggesting that successful and healthy relationships require more than sex to function. It is the feeling of connectedness that forms the basis of intimacy making it possible for relationships to grow and sustain the challenges that are often brought on by stress, illness, and work and family problems. Intimacy is the glue that holds relationships together taking over when the intense passion of a new relationship transforms into a more enduring union based on common values, love and commitment.
For intimacy to develop and be sustained, a person must feel valued, cherished and respected by their partner. These feelings signify equity and balance in a relationship and secure the bond between the partners. Equally important is the need for effective communication of these feelings because without it, a rift can develop. If not reversed, the link between partners is at risk of being lost. Thus the greatest threat to intimacy is not exposure to attractive people of the opposite sex, but the inability of a couple to feel and communicate their connectedness to each other.
The circumstances that contribute to the fracturing of the intimate bond are diverse but most often involve transferring emotional energy that was once directed toward the relationship to other sources such as career, children, outside interests and friends. While good relationships can weather temporary emotional absences, if they go on indefinitely, they too will suffer. Under these conditions people may reconnect emotionally and spiritually with someone outside of their relationship by once again fulfilling their needs for acceptance and understanding. Relationships such as these often begin benignly but may later evolve by becoming sexual. This pattern is most typical of "affairs of the heart", affairs that pose the greatest threat to the primary relationship.
Now to answer your question?
You have stated that you are in loveless marriage. Two things come to mind: 1) You're having an affair is probably not a breach in intimacy. In other words, the "cheating" is not on an emotional level since the feelings have been gone for quite a while. 2) We all have a need to be loved and feel connected. From what you write, you are not connected to or loved by your spouse but it appears as if you are with and by your lover. The challenge remains, how do you reconcile this with yourself and your lifestyle? As in many things there are many trade offs. In your case, it is happiness and fulfillment for deception (and all that goes with it) and the inability for you to share your life totally with your lover. You asked, can you still carry on a normal family life? The answer is, I guess so. But it means compartmentalizing your life and living in two different worlds.
The more important question is, "do you think you can do it?" Look deep inside yourself and examine your values, morals and lifestyle. If you are fine with it, then why not. If you cannot then, examine your options such as separation, divorce and what is becoming more popular, a "living arrangement". The latter is an arrangement where two people agree to maintain the structure of their legal marriage (housing, finances, family obligations) but lead separate lives socially etc. This does away with the deception, lessening the emotional burden.
There is no affair without pain. That is the reality.
If you want to learn more about affairs, feel free to download the condensed version of my e-Book, The Anatomy of An Affair - http://www.reenasommerassociates.mb.ca/info_products/anatomy_p.pdf
Dr. Reena Sommer is a relationship and divorce consultant and writer. Her website, http://www.reenasommerassociates.mb.ca has an extensive inventory of divorce-related resources, information products and services.
