AS THE SONG TITLE SAYS, GIRLS: "STAND BY YOUR MAN"
Author: Success Coach - Doc Love

Hi Doc,

Got a stumper for you. I met my fianc? at a time in my life when I was financially set, carefree, and had lots of time to shower her with attention. I asked her to marry me and move to Missouri to be with me (she lives in Rhode Island). True - she had to give up a job, her family and her home to be with me, but I have a really nice house and I helped her get reestablished.

At the time she moved in with me, I was in the process of starting a new dot com company. I started getting clients right off the bat, but unfortunately, as time demands and costs escalated, so did my stress level. I started putting in 16-hour days (though I worked out of the home most of the time and she could be with me anytime she wanted). I really hated this type of life because I wasn't fulfilling her needs for attention, but I knew my actions were necessary for financial survival.

She hung on as long as she could - but finally, she told me she had to move back to Rhode Island to get her emotional needs met. We agreed that once the project was finished, I was to move there to join her.

Well, three weeks later, the project was complete and I was in the black again. Once again, my days and evenings were wide open. Unfortunately, during her time away, she got depressed. We ended up getting into a few fights, until finally, she asked to end the relationship.

I only want to share prosperity with someone who had been there with me through the toughest times, so how do I get her back into my life? She's a magnificent person with a huge heart. I know I hurt and disappointed her, but she needs to know that many of these circumstances were not anticipated. Thanks for your help.

Sincere regards,

Don - who wants her to understand

Hi Don,

You said you want a woman who's with you through the toughest times - well this girl ain't her! Things got tough, so she split. Good thing you found this out about her before the marriage!

As I frequently say - marriage is tough, even under the best of circumstances. When you run into financial hard times, it's more important than ever that the woman you're with stands by you. Smart men use tough times to find this out. Now, Don - let's see how your girl measures up.

While you were struggling to move your business out of Intensive Care - the business that would soon support the two of you - what was she doing to help out? (Eating bonbons and watching Rosie O'Donnell doesn't count!) Did she offer to type or stuff envelopes or bring you lemonade - if not out of the goodness of her heart then at least out of the desire to save half of the business that would soon be hers? No. While you were breaking your butt 16 hours a day trying to keep the financial boat afloat, your fianc? - instead of being there beside you to help bail out the water - jumped ship!

Your fianc?'s decision to move out effectively ended the relationship. Why? Because she should have gotten her emotional needs with you rather than leaving town - regardless of your financial situation. You said she hung on as long as she could, but she should have hung on longer.

As you said, Don, she could have been with you anytime she wanted, but instead of walking into your office for a hug, she chose to fume instead. Here you were struggling for survival and she got mad at you for not entertaining her - is this girl nuts? Maybe not. High maintenance? Definitely.

High maintenance women lack two out of the three character traits that makes a girl eligible for marriage: giving and flexibility (the third trait is integrity, but we can't conclude that your girl lacks this quality based on the information you gave me). They always expect their men to be at their beck and call to satisfy their needs for amusement - and when they don't get their way, they pout and lower their Interest Level.

Don, in my articles, I usually jump all over guys for making mistakes with women, but in your case, there's no reason to get a case of the guilties. Sure, you didn't take your fianc? out to dinner very much during your period of financial crisis, but you really didn't have much of a choice.

Under normal circumstances, the man practices respect, romance, and affection to maintain a relationship. While the man should always be respectful; and affectionate as long as the woman reciprocates - the romantic nights out on the town would obviously have to be suspended until your business recovers from it's monetary drain. A woman with high Interest Level and a good attitude would understand this and would never hold it against him.

Do you now see how silly it is to accept her blame for this breakup, Don? Guy, you helped her out with her career - couldn't she have been a little understanding in return? Of course not. Why? Because she is just too petty and self-centered to stand by her man.

Your company has turned around (no thanks to her) because you are a winner. But unfortunately your ex-fianc? isn't. Even if she didn't ask to be shipped back to Rhode Island - you should have told her to pack her bags anyway.

As for her depression - she was really depressed about the thought of marrying you. And did you notice how the fights came the closer you came to moving back in with her? Don, is there any chance she set these battles up? You say she is a magnificent person with a huge heart, but I only see a thoughtless deadbeat who resents hard work. You got out cheap.

Remember guys: A true blue partner sticks it out through hell or high water. When evaluating your woman's attitude, follow my Uncle Jethro Love's advice and ask yourself: "Is this girl part of the crew or part of the cargo?"

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. Listen to me live every Sunday at 9A.M. PST at http://www.vocaloca.com.

?Copyright DocLove DotCom








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Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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