Reduce Stress...Communicate!
Author: Dr. David Rainham

Talk your way out of a stressful situation

"I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant!" - Anon

Poor communication causes huge amounts of stress - families are miserable, marriages break up, doctors and hospitals get sued, companies go bankrupt and countries may go to war!

On the other hand, be a good communicator and you reduce stress all around. You'll feel confident asking for help, for a favour, a date or a raise!

A work, a problem supervisor or rudeness becomes an interesting challenge not a major stress. At home you'll enjoy the happiness that comes from a greater intimacy with your partner and a closer relationship with children.

Good communication also leads to better health because people who can express painful feelings, such as anger and sadness, and who can show affection, give genuine praise and generally get along with others, seem to have lower rates of heart disease, cancer and stroke.

There's more to communication than just talking. Listening is the most underrated and maybe the most valuable of all communication skills-very often neglected by husbands and parents. Assertiveness techniques help you to ask for what you need, cope with criticism and verbal abuse, and find time for things you really enjoy by allowing you to say no to excessive demands-without feeling guilty!

Conflict resolution techniques allow everyone to win without anybody ending up resentful.

Here are a few general tips to improve communication:

* Try to understand people's personality and communication style, where they are coming from and what they want. Remember that men and women are different! Women usually want to have their concerns heard, their feelings validated and be able to talk things through. Most men like to get right down to solving the problem - even if may not be there problem to solve.

*Ask "open ended" questions. If you say " Nice day, eh?" you may simply get a yes back but if you start by saying "What do you think of this weather?" you have begun a conversation. Feel uncomfortable with having conversations? Simply ask questions about the other person and let them do the talking!

*Avoid conflict when you think someone is talking nonsense, just say "You may be right about that" or "That's an interesting perspective"

*It's important to give conversational feedback, nods, uh huhs or I see tell the speaker that you are tuned in to them.

*Periodically summarize how you the see the other person's position of feelings. "If I understand you correctly...." or "What you seem to be saying is...." can lead into your interpretation of what you just heard. By summarizing, you let the speaker know whether they are communicating clearly to you or whether there is potential for misunderstanding. It is also important that speakers, especially supervisors, ask for feedback rather than assuming they are understood!

*If you are facing a difficult conversation, rehearse what you are going to say, practise in front of a mirror, write a script or ask others for input on how to best get your message across.

*Ultimately, body language is actually more important than what words you use. Smile, lean slightly forward to show interest, create a comfortable space, not too far away or too close. Don't pace up and down, fold your arms or tap your fingers! Make eye contact, but don't stare and focus your complete attention on your conversation without becoming too intense

Better communication skills will reduce stress and increase success in all areas of life but to make them work, don't forget that other stress management techniques are very important as well. Developing solid self esteem, the ability to relax in difficult situations, having a positive attitude, a sense of humour and a willingness to learn from mistakes and change your approach as required can be keys to effective communication.








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Dr.David Rainham is a family physician, who has studied the relationship between stress and health for over 25 years. The author of Winning your Battle with Stress, he is an acclaimed public speaker an Fellow of the American Institute of Stress. Visit www.optimumhealth.ca

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