Got Stress?? Chapter Two: Our Emotions Are Conditional
Author: Merle McGuire

GOT STRESS??

Of course you do! We all have stress in our lives. This is an excerpt from the Got Stress?? E-book. This book will help you learn skills, and give you tools to recognize and manage your stress.

CHAPTER TWO

OUR EMOTIONS ARE CONDITIONAL

An elderly lady shared this story with me. Her husband’s favourite pyjama top was missing a button. He laid the top on her sewing machine and asked her if she would please replace the missing button. Time went by (as time does) in the life of the busy wife and mother and the pyjama top continued to lay on the sewing machine un-mended. One day as the wife was walking past her sewing machine she noticed that her husband had placed a quarter with the un-mended pyjama top. Needless to say, the wife sewed the missing button back onto the top and returned it to her husband. Years have gone by (as years do) and this lady told me that she still has the quarter. She no longer has her husband with her but she has a wonderful memory of him.

What if this man had reacted instead with criticism, anger, or condemnation? This situation could have led to a huge confrontation. What stress this could have caused in young family’s life. There could have been tears or feelings of fear, frustration, or guilt for the woman. Children in the home may have experienced the same emotions as the parents – all leading to a circle of endless stress. Instead there is only a loving memory that may have turned into a family story as “Remember the time……”

Our youngest daughter, at age eight or nine, was feeling very frustrated each time the family would gather around the table at meal times and reminisce. Many of these conversations would begin with the words “Remember the time” or “Remember when”. Our other three daughters and their Dad and I would always have some little story to tell, some memory to share. Each time these occasions came up the youngest would complain “How come I don’t have any remember when’s?”

One evening after every one else was seated at the dinner table I asked my youngest daughter to carry a bowl of gravy to the table. As she approached the table the bowl slipped from her hands, caught the edge of the table and seemed to explode. The bowl didn’t break but there was gravy everywhere! There was gravy on us, on the floor, on the table, even on the ceiling. Dinner hour took a little longer than usual that evening and we didn’t have gravy on our potatoes. After everything was cleaned up and when we were back to eating it was decided with much laughter that this event could be our youngest daughter’s first official “Remember when”.

I’m happy that I didn’t make the choice to react with anger that evening. Imagine the scene if I had. Six people with all kinds of emotions all over the ceiling (with the gravy) would not have been a pretty picture. I would have felt foolish and guilty and mean and ugly if a reaction of anger had resulted from and obvious accident. Certainly, at the very least, all of our stomachs would have been tied in knots and no one would have really felt like eating when everything was cleaned up.

The point that I’m making with these stories is that our emotions are conditional. They do depend on the happenings around us and how we choose to react to them. How do you habitually react to some of the things that happen repeatedly in your life? For instance, the apparent inconsideration or our perception that our spouses are not paying up the attention that we believe we are entitled to. What about the seeming clumsiness or inattention that children appear to apply in their lives – how do you react. Sometimes we make the choice to react without having thought out exactly what it is we are reacting to or how we are actually reacting. Ever heard of a “knee-jerk reaction”?

The following is a four-step process that will allow you to see what happens in your mind and in your body based on your choices in the way you respond to different situations. I’ve used anger as the first example. Work through each of the four questions by speaking or writing the answer to each question.

1. What situations or happenings in your life cause you to feel angry? Answering question number one can help you to notice the things in your life that trigger that specific emotion. Is there really a reason for you to feel angry or is this simply a knee-jerk reaction? Are you making a choice to feel angry or could you change the response to this triggering situation if you wished?

2. What are you thinking when you are angry? Question two will lead you to look at the thought patterns you experience in connection with this situation. What kinds of thoughts go through your mind as your anger unfolds? Does it resolve the situation or is it just a repeat – happening over and over again? What are your thoughts after the anger has passed? Do you feel sorry, foolish, justified? Would you handle the situation in the same way if it were to happen again?

3. What physical feelings do you experience in your body when you feel angry? Number three question can let you see and feel what actual physical changes happen in your body. Does your heart rate increase? Do you feel warmer, cooler? Certainly blood sugar and blood pressure levels rise with the emotion of anger. Does your skin colour change? Do your palms feel dry or sweaty? Begin to notice these changes and then ask yourself if you would wish to continually place this type of stress on your body if you had a choice.

4. Would you deal with this situation or happening differently if you weren’t angry? This question allows you to begin to plan other possible responses if or when the same type of things happen in your life. Really consider that it is not the challenge but how you deal with the challenge that presents itself to you. It has long been a constant amazement to many people that the same thing happening to many different individuals can lead to may different responses. Plan now to teach yourself to become one of those individuals who handles life’s challenges with grace and poise and leaves wonderful memories behind.

You may substitute any of the following emotions for use with this exercise. Add your own as they present in your life. Have fun with this exercise and begin to establish ease rather than dis-ease when you find yourself reacting to almost any situation that may happen in your life. You can also complete this four-step exercise with any of the emotions that we perceive as wonderful or joyful. Notice the different thought processes that come up. Notice the different physical feelings in your body that come to you with love and laughter. Try using this process with the emotions fear, frustration, guilt, love, laughter, peace.

The way we respond to stress is our choice! Think about it. Our emotions are conditional. Everything that we think or experience seems to depend on how we feel at the time. We are choice-makers. We make choices every day of our lives. Our days start and end with choices.







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Merle McGuire is a massage therapist who received her training in Canada. Merle’s training in anatomy, physiology, pathology and pharmacology helps her to allow others gain insight into how their bodies react to stress, pain and relaxation. She strongly believes the most valuable thing in our lives is the choices we make. By offering insight and skills that you can easily learn to use to help yourself Merle would like to help you discover choices you can make that will lead to improved health, happiness, and well being. Merle's “Got Stress??” E-book can be found on the BodyWealth Network at www.BodyWealth.Net. Visit us today and fast track your way to greater health and abundant wealth.

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