Deck the Halls, Not Your Spouse: Managing Holiday Stress
Author: Rev. Alesia Matson D.D.

It's the holiday season again. In addition to all the normal life stressors such as mortgages, illness, car payments, children, school, extracurricular activities, medical appointments ad infinitum, many of us choose to add a punishing amount of new stressors: Gifts, decorating, shopping in crowded stores, entertaining, shopping for more gifts, being entertained, the preparation of large meals for family and guests, yet more shopping, additional social functions, the office party, etc. It is no wonder that ``tis the season'' is stress-full in addition to (or rather than) jolly for many Americans. It's been my supposition for years now that it isn't only loneliness that causes the jump in suicide rates this time of year. It's also directly related to the almost impossible expectations so many of us set for ourselves once the Thanksgiving decorations go up in the stores.



Many experts in stress management advise everyone to ``take time'' when enduring high-stress periods. ``Take time'' for meditation, for quiet interludes, for long hot bubble baths, for walks in nature, for playing with your children and pets, for intimate moments with a partner or spouse. ``Take time'' seems to be the special magic key for managing stress -- which leaves most of us to throw our hands up in despair and shriek, ``What time is there to take??''



It's a fair question. Rather than join my colleagues in reciting that mantra, I'd like to help you identify the time you do have, and give you some techniques to use to reduce the tension and yes, some of the stress throughout the season.



Transit times






If you're traveling with others, make a holiday rule: No stressful discussions of any kind allowed in the vehicle. No domestic spats, no children's quarrels, no contentious business discussions permitted. The idea here is to use the time in your car to facilitate stress reduction. If you're in a group that has difficulty with this, see #2 below for help.


Rather than popping that tape of the minutes of the last business meeting into your cassette deck when you get into the car, choose something soothing instead. There are many music CDs and tapes on the market today that are appropriate for meditation as well as recordings of the natural world -- whale song, ocean surf, bird song -- and even recordings that blend the two. And don't just pop it in and then ignore it. Let the relaxing music into your thoughts, your emotions. Consciously work with the sounds to let some of the stress you're carrying bleed away.


At each red light that stops you in traffic, begin a slow, rhythmic, breathing pattern that instills a relaxation response. If you don't have one handy, the act of simply following your breath, in and out, will help you notice (and correct) rapid, upper-chest respiration that only contributes to anxiety and tension. Resume normal breathing when the light turns green.


The above also works when you're refueling at a gas
station. Another good technique for this time is to stretch your arms, legs, and back with slow, gentle stretching exercises. Best of all, combine the two and feel stress and tension pouring off you!


You might try singing, whether you're alone in the car or with family and/or friends. Christmas carols are popular this time of year but if that hits too close to the source of your stressors then pick simple children's songs, or old favorites from your past. Singing combines controlled breathing with vocal expression and is a wonderful stress reliever!





Shopping:



It can be difficult to find any spare moments when you're shoulder-to-shoulder with hundreds of other shoppers in the mall, but here are a few ideas to get you started:






Smile. I'm not kidding. Your smile is contagious and will cause them to spontaneously appear on other faces around you. I never cease to be amazed at how any tense atmosphere relaxes in the vicinity of a
simple smile.


If you have the time and money available, do stop at one of those massage kiosks in the mall and let those professionals work some of their magic on you. I particularly recommend a foot massage if you can get one.


We all spend a lot of time standing in line this time of year. When you're in the next one, invoke the breathing exercises I talked about, above. Imagine your stress attaching itself to the used carbon dioxide in your lungs and flowing out of you with each exhalation.


I've also started singing Christmas Carols (the happier ones) while standing in those interminable lines. I've drawn some funny looks from time to time, but other like-spirited folks will always join in -- it's a good way to generate camaraderie where there had only been frustrated anger, before.





At home:






Cleaning is often a dreary chore, but consider the merits of using what I call the ``mental down-time'' to practice a brief meditation, recite a mantra or affirmation, or simply to focus on the most tranquil thoughts or images you can muster.


Make lists of tasks, gifts to purchase, or other errands ahead of time.


Listen to relaxing music at every opportunity (especially during list making).


When you sit down to draw up one or more of those lists, take three deep, full, relaxing breaths before you start. Conclude your list-making with another luscious three full breaths.


For a quick and luscious treat, pop your bath towel in the microwave for 30 seconds to one minute before drying off with it. Better yet, ask a partner or roommate to do this for you just before you emerge from the water. Warmth is a terrific relaxer for tense, tired muscles -- just don't overheat!


Remember if you're feeling overwhelmed to ask for help! So many of us have great difficulty in asking for help, which is a big contributing factor in our facility in managing stress. Yes, everyone's carrying an extra load this time of year but that doesn't mean that no one has time to extend a helping hand. It does mean they're less likely to notice that someone is overwhelmed, which makes it a good time for you to practice asking for what you need or want!





In general:



Much of our stress is caused by simple resistance to whatever is happening in the moment. We begin running mental programs that insist we need to be somewhere else, that there's not enough time, not enough money, that this isn't what we wanted to happen, or we can't find the one perfect gift that we are convinced will make someone happy, etc. ad nauseum. The very next time you overhear a voice in your head insisting something like this, shut it up and allow yourself to relax into whatever is happening for you in that moment. You are wherever you happen to be, at that moment, for some excellent reasons. Just be present for that, no matter where or what it might be. The better you become at doing this, the less stress will be a factor in your life.



Once you become proficient in identifying those small moments of lessened activity within the rush toward the end of the year you'll find more ways to practice techniques to reduce the stress you're experiencing. And, as always, if you are experiencing physical symptoms such as shortness of breath, dizziness, nausea, chest pains, or headaches, seek out medical attention immediately.



Peaceful, Joyous Holidays!






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Dr. Matson, an expert in the area of stress management at AllExperts.Com, is an author, mystic, counselor, and meditation teacher in Northern California. Her book "7 Mysteries: Contemplative Arts for the Modern Mystic" is published by Metaphor Publications and is now available online through Amazon.Com.

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