Asking Empowering Questions
Author: Jeanie Marshall

"The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing."
-Albert Einstein

Questions guide us in all that we do. Some we ask to ourselves; some to
others. We walk into a room and think or ask, "What's going on here?"
We hear the telephone ring and wonder, "Who's that?" We see a friend and
ask, usually quite automatically, "How are you?"

Not every question has a question mark at the end. For example, "I
wonder if I'll have trouble falling to sleep tonight." Or, "Let's see if
there are any fresh vegetables that look good at the supermarket today."
These are examples of rather neutral questions, that is, those that are
not empowering or disempowering. They simply guide us in our
observations.

Questions You Ask Naturally

You may want to take a few moments to consider what questions lead you
through a
day. What do you ask when you see a friend? .......when you get into
your car?
.......when you hear the door bell? .......when you pick up your mail?
........when you fall asleep at night? ......when you awaken in the
morning?

As you become aware of your natural questions, you may find that they
are helpful or unhelpful; empowering or disempowering; clear or
confusing. Some may lead you to the responses or answers that you truly desire,
some may evade the true issues.

Internal Messages

Questions and other internal messages guide our observations. Some of
these messages may be easy to hear because they are audible and part of
our conscious awareness. Others may be conscious but still inaudible.
Still others may be inaudible and unconscious.

Our questions and inner messages accumulate at various levels of our
consciousness. Some are deeply embedded and insidious. Many are
disempowering. Some may have been empowering at a particular stage of our
development, but now are disempowering.

Our internal messages have many possible sources. They can originate in
childhood, first heard said by an adult. They can be embedded from a
perception of an early experience, even a rather undramatic experience.
Internal messages are beliefs we hold about ourselves and the outer
world, regardless of the original influence.

Since some internal messages are inaudible or unconscious, they can be
tricky to
uncover. It is important to bring to the surface the ones that operate
our lives so that we can work with them. If the internal messages are
empowering, we want to energize them. If they are disempowering, we want
to neutralize them and/or replace them.

What is the Question?

Individuals in pain or confusion often ask, "What have I done wrong?"
Many years ago, I stepped into a trap by answering this question when a
client asked me. Now I know that all that is wrong is the question!

The question, "What have I done wrong?" returns disempowering
responses. Even
answering "Nothing" is unsatisfactory. If you are tempted to ask this
question, stop and ask another. If someone asks you this question, you
can help the person more by suggesting an empowering question rather
than answering this disempowering one. Alternative questions lead to more
useful insights.

The question, "What is the question?" is often the perfect question!
Alternatives are, "What is the most empowering questions I can ask right
now?" "What question can I ask to move us (me) when we (I) desire to
be?"

Empowering Questions for a Mess

Here are empowering questions you can ask when you find yourself in a
mess. Or vary the questions to assist others in asking for more
meaningful information:

What can I learn from this?
How have I benefitted from this so far?
Who else has benefitted from this?
What conditions allowed this situation?

And then:

Am I ready for a different situation?
What do I want to bring into my life?
What can I do now to change this?

Such questions as these are far more uplifting and encouraging than
"Who did what?" Or, "How did I get into this mess?" Or, "Why did this
happen?" Of course, there may be times we must also ask and answer
questions such as these, but they tend to blame rather than empower. It is
helpful to distinguish between empowering and disempowering questions.

Marshall Transformation Model

A set of empowering questions comes from the Marshall Model for
Transforming
Energy.

Where is your (or the) attention?
How is your (or the) energy?
What are your (or the) unknowns?

Open to A Process for Empowerment

One of the best ways to acquaint yourself with your internal messages
is to explore them in a relaxed state. You can do this as part of a
meditation or visualization or journaling session.

You will find the process that follows particularly revealing if you
focus on a specific situation in your life so that you have a context for
the messages. If your focus is on a difficult situation, it will be
even more helpful. For example, you may consider a misunderstanding with
your partner, or a job promotion you did not get, or a physical ailment.

Example. You may choose to explore a career-related situation through
artwork. You draw a picture of yourself that is very small compared to
the portrayal of the job. You realize you are telling yourself that the
job is too big for you and/or that you are too small for the job.
Listen for additional messages that may come through your expression on
paper.

Another example. You may choose to meditate, asking for a vision about
you and your partner. You sit quietly, occasionally aware of your
partner's essence, but with no particular thoughts or expectations. You
suddenly perceive a beautiful sphere of energy. You feel a soft glow in
your heart. You realize that the argument you had this morning is just a
minor glitch in a magnificent picture.

The Process: Inner to Outer to Integrated

1.Identify a situation that is troublesome, confusing, enraging, or
otherwise relevant. This provides the context.

2.Select a method for gaining inner information: guided imagery,
journaling, art expression, meditation. Your chosen method may be a regular
part of your spiritual or personal growth practice or it may be
unfamiliar to you.

3.Use the context of the selected situation to bring into your
awareness the
messages that are operating at a level that is deeper than your usual
awareness.

4.Express those messages in some way. Your methods might include
journaling,
singing, drawing, painting, laughing, crying, dancing, writing a letter
which
you may or may not send.

5.Listen deeply to the meaning. Explore. Play. Experiment. As you
identify the
messages and images that are operating in you, select the ones you want
to keep. Erase the ones that are disempowering, replacing them with the
empowering messages you want. Relax and integrate the new messages into
your life. You can make a conscious choice to live by empowering
thoughts.

6.Repeat the exercise as often as you desire. To complete the process,
re-live or re-visit the selected situation with the empowering message.
You are likely to find that your relationship to this situation has
changed. If not, you may need to repeat the process or find another method
to explore the situation.

Everyday Empowering Questions

Here are some of my favorite empowering questions that can aid in
transforming
disempowering questions. You may want to select the ones that resonate
for you and write them on a card for your wallet or mirror or car.

What excites me about today?

How can I share my gifts now?

What can I learn here?

How can I realize more meaning in my life?

What is worthy of my attention?

Who can I help here?

What is the most empowering thing I can do or say right now?

What can I contribute to this situation?

What can I give today?

... and what else?

What's funny about this?

What am I grateful for?

How can we move forward?

What brings me joy in that experience?

How did I make a difference today?

What are the thoughts and things that make you happy?

How can I leave this place more beautiful than I found it?

Can I laugh now?

What is my Truth about this issue?

How can I help someone be empowered?

What is the question?

Am I ready to receive the gifts of the Universe?

How does God see this?

Who am I?




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Jeanie Marshall is a mentor, success coach, group facilitator, organizational development consultant, personal development consultant, and a writer. She has an M.S. in Human Resource Development and over 20 years of active involvement in the human potential movement. She facilitates workshops and private consultations throughout the world, appears as a guest on television and radio shows, has produced more than fifty guided visualization meditations on audio cassette tapes, and for six years produced and hosted a local television show, "Return to Center." http://www.mhmail.com

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