Healing the Heart
Author: Kim Eickhoff

The philosophy behind Working it Out, Within, is made up of four components. The first is quieting the mind, the second is healing the heart, the third is strengthening the body, and the fourth is listening to the soul. This article focuses on the second component, healing the heart.

I used to call this listening to the heart. While listening and paying attention to what we are feeling is very important, the entire point is to try and heal whatever pain we are having so that we can move forward and grow. The only way to do this is to feel that pain.

The reason this component is so important to Working it Out, Within is because our feelings provide us with a lot of valuable information about ourselves. Our feelings direct us to our values, beliefs, and needs. They tell us when and where we should have boundaries in place to protect our integrity and our health. They also provide us with information as to what things in our lives drain us of our energy, and what things replenish our energy. If we are not able to acknowledge these characteristics in ourselves we will continue to be unhappy, frustrated, angry, and unsatisfied.

There is evidence everywhere that suggests the majority of us are not in touch with our emotions. We are a society of people who heavily over spend, over eat, over work, and over indulge in alcohol, drugs and sex. We suffer from violence in our communities, schools, work places, on our roads, now even in planes thousands of miles up in the air. I believe that we constantly over indulge because of our inability to deal with our true feelings. We have been taught to ignore our feelings, deny our feelings, and numb our feelings. This is not working and the unhealthier we become, the unhappier we become.

There is, however, valuable information for each of us about what will make us happy and it is all right under our noses. However, many of us have no idea it is there, much less how to tap into it. That is what healing the heart has to teach.

Now when I talk about feel the feelings, I don’t mean sink into a deep depression and allow that to take over your life. What I do mean is if a situation arises, or someone does something to you that makes you feel hurt, angry, or upset, instead of reaching for whatever external power you use to make the negative emotions go away, learn to actually feel those true feelings. This is truly the only way through the feelings and on to healing, which allows us to move on with our lives and grow.

Another very important thing to think about and to understand is that when someone makes you angry or upset, it really isn’t about that person. I know this is difficult to understand, but whatever that person has done, it has touched a nerve within you. That is the only reason it upsets you. Haven’t you been around someone before that comes and tells you something that has made that person so upset, but for the life of you, you do not see what the bid deal is? Well that is because whatever the issue is for that individual, it is not an issue for you.

This is really a wonderful skill to develop. You can use it anywhere, with anyone, and it will give you new and valuable information all the time about yourself. It will also keep you more centered because you will begin to see that you waste a lot of energy being mad at other people or situations that you have no control over. Wouldn’t that energy be better spent understanding more about yourself so that you can make healthier choices down the road, which will hopefully help you avoid these triggers in other situations?

When parents, spouses, employees, employers, teachers, or coworkers frustrate, upset, or anger you, this is usually because they are not behaving the way YOU believe they should behave. You are frustrated because the world is not as you want it to be. Period. On some level I think we all believe that our way is the right way to do things. We seem to forget that there are millions of perspectives and there cannot possibly be one right way to believe, behave, think, act, or live a life. Our feelings show us the areas we need to work on, and the issues we need to resolve. Learning how to use your feelings to alert you to those areas will help you grow and create a life you love.

So how do you begin to implement this technique of healing the heart. The first thing is to identify what feeling you are really having. Stop numbing, repressing, or denying your true feelings, and learn to feel them. Any tools that create awareness like meditation or journaling are wonderful for this. Once you identify the feeling, and allow yourself to experience the feeling, begin asking yourself some questions. What was it that that person said or did that made me so angry? Did I overreact? Was my reaction connected to something from my past? Do I enjoy reacting this way? Is it working for me? What is my payoff? What can I put in place that will help me be more aware when this is happening in the future? Is this situation honoring my values, meeting my needs, and utilizing my abilities? Are my feelings telling me that I need to put in place some stronger boundaries in order to protect myself? Is this situation or person draining my energy and that is causing ! these negative emotions?

These are all great questions. The more answers you get, the deeper you will go. Remember, this is a process and it takes time. It is important to allow this process to happen naturally and not to judge yourself on how you believe you are doing. There is no right or wrong. The point is to get more in touch with who you are on the inside, and our feelings can lead us to those places. Once we know more about who we are on the inside, we will be creating the life we really want on the outside.








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I am a personal coach and I believe that the only way to create our best life is to live authentically and deliberately. I call my philosophy Working it Out, Within. For more information about me and my services visit my website at www.workingitoutwithin.com.

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