Going with the "Flow"
Author: Paul McNeese

This whole idea of change is founded on a single principle:
CHANGE IS ALL IN YOUR MIND.

First comes a desire or need to change. Then comes an
attitude that permits it. Then come behaviors that lead
to it and support it. And finally, change happens -- or at
least you realize that it has happened!
The substance or result of the change process becomes clear at the moment you realize that something has changed -- that you're getting BETTER, of the situation is becoming
DIFFERENT. And the notion of radical change ultimately
leads to the possibility that you can actually be the BEST you that you can be. All you need to do is take the change process all the way. All it takes, really, is the desire to grow, to change -- and the realization that the process never really ends.

By acknowledging that your development is an ongoing process -- a work in progress -- you'll keep discouragement and frustration at relatively low levels when you suffer a setback or reach a plateau that could make you believe that you can't go on. You'll immediately realize that the situation is temporary and that you'll move on just as soon as you're ready.

For just a few moments let's look at an "ideal state"
scenario for change, one in which you truly "go with the
flow."

The concept of "flow" isn't new, although recent books and
articles seem to give it a lot of emphasis. "Flow" is what
every one of us has experienced when, as children, we got
really deep into our playing. Can you remember pretending
to be Superman or Wonder Woman? How did that feel?
Wasn't it exciting? Didn't you really believe that you
could do all those superhuman things? Of course, that was
imaginary, but the feeling is what I want you to remember.
What words describe it?

One word is "joy." When your activity is going along
without a hitch you may feel joyous. Moreover, you're
likely to lose yourself in the activity, to become "one"
with it. Your sense of time evaporates. Sometimes you go
into "slow motion." This happens to me when I reach a
deep state of concentration. On the other hand, sometimes
an hour will pass in what you feel is just a minute or
two. For me, this can happen when I'm in front of my
computer, especially when I'm surfing the Internet or
working on a particularly interesting copy writing
assignment.

When I reach this state, I often get a feeling of effortless achievement. One of the best examples of this for me is when I am skiing. Usually, at some point during the day, I begin a run and I just know that it's going to be perfect. All fear disappears; my brain and my body mesh in perfect synchronization; and my spirit soars! What a feeling!!

The way one gets to this remarkable state depends on a
certain conditioning, one that involves a deep commitment
to improvement and a conscientious planning process that
outlines exactly what it is you want to achieve at this stage of your development.

Then, the actions you take must be highly focussed,
specifically located in the present, in the NOW. Whenever
your mind leaves the NOW, your sense of flow will be
disturbed and your effortless progress will dissolve into a confusion of ideas and time frames. When you're looking for flow, concentrate on NOW and on the single idea you're pursuing at this moment.

This ability to reach a "flow" state requires consistent
practice. One way to motivate yourself toward this is to
work on developing some talent not necessarily related to
new experiences or skill-sets. You can profit from going
back to some talent you already possess -- sports, playing
a musical instrument, gardening, crafts -- whatever.

Almost every one of us has some skill or interest that was
very important years ago but has been lost in the process
of being a responsible adult. Take some time to inventory
your talents and commit to activating at least one of them
again. Not only will you likely discover that you get up
to speed very quickly, but you'll also find that you can
improve that already-acquired skill quite easily. That'll
make you feel pretty good about yourself. Now translate
the improvement process to the life change you want to
make, and see what happens.

Next, pick a workable strategy, a way of approaching the
task of conscious change that uses skills and inclinations
you already know and use. Some people, for instance,
prepare for change by reading every relevant book and
magazine article they can get their hands on. Is this you?
If so, go for it. If not, well maybe you're a Nike-type
person, a JUST DO IT enthusiast. This kind of person is
willing to be knocked about some by new experiences and
feelings, but for this kind of person, that's the way that
learning occurs. If so, then JUST DO IT! Another type
likes to make task lists, to-do sheets, project management
schedules, timetables and other quantifying devices. If that's your thing, then use it. It's always easier to use what you know than to learn something entirely new, and there's no sin in taking the easier, softer way when one exists for you.

Whatever your talents, inclinations or methodologies, one
very good way to get motivated toward a "flow" of change
is to listen hard to what others see, to get feedback from
peers, friends and family. I belong to a group of writers
who meet regularly to review and critique each other's
work. I can't tell you how much better my work has gotten
thanks to the input of others who know what they're looking at. In fact, the "Betterchange" seminar has a board of advisors that see everything we do periodically. They comment, they critique, they suggest, and I respond. Net result, the seminar keeps getting better and better!

OK...so now you're motivated. How do you stay that way
throughout the change process? Here are a few things to
think about, to do, to watch out for.

First, make a conscious decision about how much of your
time and effort you're willing to invest in the change
process. This decision will, of course, influence or
determine how long it will take to change, the degree of
change over time, and so forth. But by quantifying your
time allocation you'll be less likely to give too much time
to activities that aren't productive. You'll also more easily focus on NOT trying to over-perfect things that are OK as is. And finally, by allocating your time you'll keep your effort in this area in balance with the rest of your life.

Next, make only wise comparisons. As you make progress,
you're going to want to measure it. Often we measure
ourselves by our observations of others. Guard against
comparing yourself to the top experts - those people you
believe are absolutely perfect. They'll represent
impossible-to-reach targets and you'll get discouraged.
Measure yourself against those who are just far enough
ahead of you to represent a viable challenge for you. One
way to avoid that trap is to measure yourself tomorrow
against yourself yesterday. The old sports clich?of
"personal best" holds here. This yardstick measures only
how far you've come, not necessarily how far you have to go. It's easier on the ego and generally more positive.

The next idea has to do with getting UNmotivated. Avoid
toxic people. Not everyone will share your goal of wanting to become the best you can be. In fact, many
people will get jealous when you bring up that kind of subject, and they'll try to shoot you down. Identify these
people as soon as you can and run as fast as possible away
from them.

Finally, you absolutely MUST learn to accept setbacks.
They're inevitable. Conflicting schedules, problems with
the learning curve, the need to know one thing you don't
know in order to learn another thing you need to know...
there are many obstacles. Don't let them throw you. Find
some supportive people you can vent to. That'll relieve
the pressure and let you move on.

A final note about people you ask for advice. Make sure
that there are as many of them as possible, and rotate the
people you ask. If you hear too much from any one person,
you may find yourself hearing the same messages, limiting
your own growth, and perhaps antagonizing the person you're leaning on.

At the very bottom of all this are those core ideas...that
change takes time and effort...that it's entirely your
responsibility...that there are many ways to achieve the
same outcome...and that there are people who will support
you.

So it's not at all impossible to change ANYTHING that will help you to grow as a person in any dimension...physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.








--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paul McNeese,a California personal and corporate
(executive) coach is the owner of Optimum Performance
Associates, a consulting firm specializing in transitional
and transformational change for individuals and
institutions. His "Betterchange" workshop is a customized
training that has been offered in California since 1994.
Mr. McNeese may be contacted at pmcneese@betterchange.com
The "Betterchange" website is http://www.betterchange.com/

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------