FABS Part 1 and 2
Author: Sibyl McLendon

Have you heard of the FABS? The FABS are quadruplets; they are not identical but they are very, very similar! The FABS are: Fear, Anger, Blame and Shame. This quartet love to arrive, uninvited, at people's houses and literally stay forever. They will certainly stay as long as you allow them to; they never seem to get tired of hanging around and causing troubles for the unsuspecting host.

The FABS love to attach themselves to abused children, but they really lie in wait for anyone who is vulnerable. Children who have been abused learn early that the world is an unsafe place, and that they have no personal power with which to protect themselves. They internalize everything that is done to them, and believe everything that is said to them. This provides a fertile environment for the FABS to flourish in. And usually, all of the fear, anger, blame and shame is directed squarely at the self. The child feels at fault for everything that happens.

However, the FABS can move in on anyone at any time. When life becomes too stressful or hurtful, then it provides an opening for the FABS to move in. Whenever a person feels guilty for their actions then the side door opens and the FABS can sneak in.

FABS live in the dark. They tend to hide in the dark corners of our minds, avoiding the light of day at all costs. If the sun were to shine on the FABS then it is very likely that the host would take immediate steps to eliminate them. It is much easier to lurk in the subconscious and just spring out whenever the opportunity presents itself. Then the FABS kick in and keep the host from moving forward in their lives.

Some of the symptoms of FABS in your life are:

Feeling as if everything that happens is your “fault”
Constant apologizing
Feelings of depression and unworthiness
Getting stuck in bad relationships
Always being a “giver”
Surrounding yourself with “takers”
Being afraid of change
Never standing up for oneself
Being overweight
Back problems

People infested with FABS are often overweight because they use food as a medication, unknowingly trying to eliminate the pain that FABS causes; or they use weight as protection against an uncertain and painful world. Excess weight can be a wonderful buffer, and can become as comforting as a favorite blanket. FABS sufferers often have back problems as well, because they consciously or unconsciously feel that they have no support in their lives. Lack of emotional support=back pain!

Once FABS have moved into your life they are extremely hard to get rid of, but not impossible by any means! It takes work, dedication and a real desire to get them out of your life. You may need a good FABS exterminator, which can be a therapist or a personal coach. Getting rid of the FABS in your life is a very important step to take, no matter how difficult it may be. Once they are gone, you cannot imagine how good life will feel, how bright the sun shines and how far you can go on your path!

When you have a case of FABS, it may be hard to eradicate, but it is far from impossible. Fear, Anger, Blame and Shame may be different emotions, but they can all be gotten rid of in the same ways:

First and foremost, it is very important to learn to LIVE IN THE MOMENT! The past is over and done with, and can never be changed, no matter how much we wish that it could. I remember watching a TV show called Biography, where they were doing the life story of a famous TV star. He made the comment that he had spent his life always looking behind him, never at where he was or where he was going. He likened it to driving a car but only looking in the rear view mirror. If this is what you are doing, it is time to turn your head around and face the sun. This crystalline moment in time is the only reality that exists, and it is terrible to waste it looking to the past. Do whatever you have to do to release the past and its hold on you.

Second, you must learn that THE ONLY PERSON THAT YOU CAN CHANGE IS YOURSELF! You can spend your entire lifetime wishing that a person would change, wishing that they would treat you better or be loving and supportive, but it ain’t gonna happen just because you want it to. If you were abused as a child, then you may be spending your life trying to ignore it, shoving it down into some dark recess of your psyche. I guarantee you, however, that it is coming out, every minute of every day in ways that you cannot see. Deal with it! Get help, you are going to need it. But you are absolutely, positively going to have to give up hoping that someone will change, or trying to change them. Working on yourself is the only answer

Third, examine your current relationships. IF YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT GOOD, CHANGE THEM! People infected with FABS often have surrounded themselves with people who are infected as well. Since you can’t change them, you are going to have to get strong enough to let them go. If you are successful in driving the FABS from your life, they are not going to want to be around you anyway, or they are going to try and re-infect you. Misery loves company. Once you have gotten rid of your FABS, then you will attract like-minded people to you, ones that do not have FABS either.

As you learn to live in the moment, to not try and make other people change and that you deserve better relationships, the FABS will find that they are not welcome in your life. They will move on to some other unsuspecting person, or better yet, they may just cease to exist. It can be scary to rid yourself of the FABS, but remember, they are causing you to feel that way! They don’t want to leave; you have to make them leave. It is so worth the time and effort to do this, being cured of the FABS is fabulous.








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Sibyl McLendon is 1/2 Navajo, and is a personal spiritual coach for Circle Of Grace http://www.circle-of-grace.com. Circle Of Grace is a unique blending of Native American spirituality and holistic wellness coaching. Sign up for a free coaching session! Sibyl can be contacted at gracecircle99@netscape.net

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